The Imposter
I am a Lotus Flower
My journey is one of light and dark. Yet, I reach for the sun.
Growing up as an elite swimmer, I mastered ownership, perseverance, and peak performance alongside the world’s best Olympic athletes and coaches all before I was 20 years old. Passion fueled commitment as I worked fiercely towards my goals.
It was the glory days of the early 2000s with Michael Phelps’ rise to fame and the Washington DC/Baltimore region became a power house for Olympic swimmers. The energy was electric and everything was possible with the right mindset and hard work.
Then in an instant, I was stripped of my identity when I was cut from my Division I University Swim Team due to budget constraints. I was a little fish in a big pond. I wallowed in self-pity and a voice called out loud and clear, “I am not good enough.” Self-doubt crept in and planted roots in my heart.
With bittersweet gratitude, I transitioned from being in the water to standing by the pool. My coaching career began as I inspired athletes of all ages and levels to work toward their goals, leveraging the techniques and tools that had been engrained in me for years.
Carrying a strong desire for growth, I immersed myself in an International MBA program and experienced so many cultures around the world. I fell passionately in love with my life partner and moved from sunny San Diego to the European metropolis of Berlin. My heart was full of intense love…
And deep sadness. My younger brother passed away tragically at a young age. His warm hugs and big dreams vanished far too soon. I grasped for hope. I searched for a silver lining. I vowed to live a better life for him, for myself. I did everything in my power to keep going and not to fall apart.
Escaping to a life on the go, I thrived in chaos. My passport was packed with stamps and I found myself in a taxi to the airport almost every week. I conquered working at the world’s leading sports organizations, dabbled in biotech, and took a seat on the rocket ship of a high growth technology company.
The tools I learned from the water served me well in the corporate world. My ability to relentlessly go after my goals translated into becoming a high performer, my inspiration and visionary skills empowered me to rise as a leader and my intense regime of self care built up resilience for me to rise again and again.
On the outside, I experienced tremendous success climbing the corporate ladder. But, on the inside, the voice whispered, “I am not good enough” and I prayed no one would discover my true self, the imposter.
Our beautiful daughter, the light of our life, was born at the beginning of the global pandemic. We experienced the world through new eyes. With a bright smile and warm heart, she taught us to love infinitely.
The whisper was still there, “I am not good enough.” This time the high achiever, who became a new mother in a time of intense isolation and fear, was not perfect. I was not enough.
Slowly, I sank deeper into the murky mud of my thoughts. Reflecting on my success and failures, my purpose, my identity, my legacy. Questioning my values, beliefs, and habits. Eventually, releasing the things that no longer served me. Leaning into joy.
At last, a ray of sunlight appeared, and the voice came back
“I am so much more.”
Like a lotus flower, we bloom out of the murky mud of life. We reach for the sun and trust in our own beautiful potential.
I am not perfect. I am growing. I see such unbelieveable strength from unsung heros who are unwilling to sink into the mud and this inspires me to keep reaching for the sun.
Interested to learn more about how we can help you elevate your potential? Book a complimentary discovery call and reach for more.
